Players: 38 out of 49. Points scored: 173. Highest score: 8 (Christine Butters, Simon Gold). Average score: 4.55. Prediction of the Week: Haresh Mirani (West Ham United 1-0 Manchester United).

Results: Arsenal 2-2 Portsmouth (0); Aston Villa 0-1 Bolton Wanderers (4); Charlton Athletic 0-3 Liverpool (3); Newcastle United 2-1 Watford (8); Reading 1-2 Blackburn Rovers (4); Wigan Athletic 0-1 Sheffield United (0); Everton 2-3 Chelsea (0); Manchester City 1-2 Tottenham Hotspur (7); West Ham United 1-0 Manchester United (1); Fulham 2-1 Middlesbrough (4).

They’re not the three kings and they don’t come bearing gifts of gold, frankenstein and myrrh, but Haresh Mirani, Dave Taylor and Hope Arnold are this week’s Christmas crackers, locked in combat on (one-eyed, one-armed, one-balled) Horatio Nelson’s score of 111.

Haresh gets a loud bang, a plastic toy, a joke and a multi-coloured party hat for leading the Predictorship for the very first time with 27 correct scores, but only by a lick of paint from Dave (23 correct scores) and Hope (20). It’s tighter than a Scotsman on New Year’s Eve (allegedly).

Fourth-placed Christine Butters is stalking the leaders on 110 points and claims this week’s highest score (8) with Cathryn Harker and Simon Gold, who goes three better than the five similarly-coloured rings in the song Twelve Days of Christmas. But that’s nothing when we can boast 49 predictors a-predicting.

Nick Watson’s week goes from bad to worse. First he breaks a toe playing football (credit where credit’s due for deciding not to have an out-of-fashion metatarsal injury) and has to stuff himself with painkillers and then he cruelly discovers he’s slumped from second to fifth after bagging just three points.

“If you’d have offered me top spot at Christmas at the beginning of the season I’d have performed a swift amputation,” said the Tractor Boy when submitting his scores. Well thankfully there’s no need for Nick to hack off an arm or a leg in the name of sport - a positive sign as he limps along the rocky road to recovery.

The Predictorship is on holiday until the weekend of January 6-7, aka Predictorship Cup Preliminary Round weekend. If you’re not one of the top 16 predictors in the week 17 table, you’ll be taking part. Watch this space for news of the draw.

Merry Christmas and a happy New Year to everyone in the Predictorship. However, this is not the time to celebrate or take your eye off the ball. The Predictorship is not won by Christmas and there’s still a long way to go. Rally the troops, massage those tired limbs and come out fighting in 2007.

Until then, here are some Predictorship-related songs to get you in a festive mood: ‘Little Saint Nick’, ‘Gold Lang Syne’, ‘Silent White’, ‘Joe Come All Ye Faithful’, ‘Harker the Herald Angels Sing’, ‘Mary’s Molloy Child’, ‘A Hayes in a Manger’, ‘We Three Kings of Leyton Orient Are’.

Festive brainteaser …

Who, according to BBC1’s Final Score on December 16, is the only footballer to have played in the Premiership, Championship, League 1, League 2, Conference, Uefa Cup, Champions League and World Cup? If you’re thinking of Gary Speed, who played his 500th Premiership game last weekend, or 40-year-old Steve Claridge, who has racked up his 1,000th league appearance, think again …

Quote of the week …

“Gary Speed has never played better, never looked fitter, never been older” - Bobby Robson, England manager, 1982-1990

So what about this picture/ story is most remarkable?

That Wayne Rooney jets to New York when he has two days off from practice? That he would get hoodwinked into actually attending a Knicks game whilst there? That he would attend said Knicks game with Jimmy Fallon? That he’s still dating that Colleen McLoughlin person? That the article quotes height in meters?

Nope.

The answer was “That Paul Pierce actually dove after a ball that was going out of bounds.”

Thanks for playing.

Link:
Rooney nearly re-injures foot at NBA game

Err, exactly what the hell does MLS think it’s doing with this Freddy Adu-to-Real Salt Lake nonsense?

Fresh off his two-week trial/ marketing tour of Manchester United, alleged American soccer savior Freddy Adu got shipped from D.C. United to Real Salt Lake, as in Utah? As in, the nation’s capital (and MLS’s most decorated team, inasmuch as MLS teams are decorated at all) to the team with the curbic zirconium name in the nation’s 50th largest metro area — ahead of Raleigh-Cary, NC (51) but behind Rochester, NY (49). Nike has got to be thrilled! And Pepsi too!

There’s no reason this should happen. The Adu thing has been managed from the get-go — with minimal complaints. If the Freddy Adu thing is at least part-marketing stunt, um, why allow this to happen? With two teams in LA? And one in New York? Even Chicago. Come on, folks — let’s keep our eye on the ball here.

(What an odd week for American soccer. Seriously.)

Players: 43 out of 49. Points scored: 276. Highest score: 10 (John Collins, Brian Dunlop, Haresh Mirani, Nick Watson, Michael Whitty). Average score: 6.41. Prediction of the Week: Mark Young (Bolton 4-0 West Ham). Runners-up: John Collins, Haresh Mirani (Liverpool 4-0 Fulham).

Results: Blackburn Rovers 1-3 Newcastle United (0); Bolton Wanderers 4-0 West Ham United (1); Liverpool 4-0 Fulham (2); Manchester United 3-1 Manchester City (5); Middlesbrough 1-1 Wigan Athletic (13); Portsmouth 2-0 Everton (6); Tottenham Hotspur 5-1 Charlton Athletic (0); Watford 0-0 Reading (2); Chelsea 1-1 Arsenal (5); Sheffield United 2-2 Aston Villa (2).

Despite a distinctly average week, Dave Taylor is still flying the flag for Chelsea (more of them later) at the top of the Predictorship. Dave has occupied the top spot for five consecutive weeks and eight of the 16 weeks of the 2006-2007 Predictorship season so far. That’s exactly half, or 50%, if you want to be clever about it.

Inspired by the copy of The Damned’s 1979 album Machine Gun Etiquette that now graces his record collection (and sits proudly among his top 10 albums of all time), punk picker Nick Watson is once again firing on all cylinders. A magnificent 10 points blasts him back into second place and to within a point of Dave, with Hope Arnold a further point adrift and Haresh Mirani (the second of this week’s five 10 men) a further point adrift of the people who are adrift of Dave.

John Collins (9th), Brian Dunlop (a season’s best 34th) and Michael Whitty (a season’s best 36th) are the other predictors on the ball this week. Ten points and a standing ovation to you all.

Rather than just warbling on about the bottom of the table, one simple question: Where are you Stuart Claxton?

And now for a table that lies …

My latest TPE (Totally Pointless Exercise) was to analyse your week 16 scores in more detail, and the results are right here before your very eyes. Based on the Premiership’s three points for a win and one point for a draw, the table below shows how each team fared based on your score predictions.

So, for example, of the 43 people who played this week, 42 predicted a Manchester United win and Norman No Mates went for his predictable 0-0 draw, giving a total of 127 points (42 x 3 + 1). You awarded Manchester United a total of 97 goals, giving them a goal difference over opponents Manchester City (16 goals) of +81. Easy. Just follow the key below and get analysing. I wasted several hours of my life compiling this table, so please find it remotely interesting.

Of course I won’t be expecting any Christmas cards from Arsenal fans, whose heavyweight clash at Chelsea meant that just two predictors had the nerve to go for an away win and only six other brave (but knowledgeable) souls plumped for a draw. Still, anyone who despises the men from the Emirates and their Arsene of a manager will be delighted to see them languishing in 16th.

I’ll be sure to do this experiment again when Chelsea have a tricky away fixture so we can enjoy Mourinho’s moaners struggling well down the league. I make no apology for my scathing attack. We don’t appreciate teams who buy success round these parts. Give me the socks down, muddy knees, bobbly pitch, jumpers for goalposts, cold shower approach any day of the week (except Saturdays, of course, when I’ll be enjoying the Premiership highlights).

Predictorship Position - (Current Premiership Position) - Team - Games Played - Won - Drawn - Lost - Goals Scored - Goal Difference - Total Points

1. (1) Manchester United: 43 - 42 - 1 - 0 - 97 - +81 - 127
2. (4) Liverpool: 43 - 39 - 3 - 1 - 93 - +74 - 120
3. (9) Tottenham Hotspur: 43 - 37 - 4 - 2 - 82 - +64 - 115
4. (5) Bolton Wanderers: 43 - 35 - 6 - 2 - 73 - +50 - 111
5. (2) Chelsea: 43 - 35 - 6 - 2 - 68 - +45 - 111
6. (3) Portsmouth: 43 - 25 - 13 - 5 - 58 - +27 - 88
7. (17) Blackburn Rovers: 43 - 22 - 16 - 5 - 55 - +21 - 82
8. (7) Reading: 43 - 22 - 14 - 7 - 55 - +21 - 80
9. (8) Aston Villa: 43 - 20 - 16 - 7 - 47 - +16 - 76
10. (15) Middlesbrough: 43 - 17 - 20 - 6 - 52 - +15 - 71
11. (11) Wigan Athletic: 43 - 6 - 20 - 17 - 37 - -15 - 38
12. (16) Sheffield United: 43 - 7 - 16 - 20 - 31 - -16 - 37
13. (20) Watford: 43 - 7 - 14 - 22 - 34 - -21 - 35
14. (14) Newcastle United: 43 - 5 - 16 - 22 - 34 - -21 - 31
15. (10) Everton: 43 - 5 - 13 - 25 - 31 - -27 - 28
16. (6) Arsenal: 43 - 2 - 6 - 35 - 23 - -45 - 12
17. (18) West Ham United: 43 - 2 - 6 - 35 - 23 - -50 - 12
18. (19) Charlton Athletic: 43 - 2 - 4 - 37 - 18 - -64 - 10
19. (13) Fulham: 43 - 1 - 3 - 39 - 19 - -74 - 6
20. (12) Manchester City: 43 - 0 - 1 - 42 - 16 - -81 - 1

Quote of the week …

“We are really quite lucky this year because Christmas falls on Christmas Day” - Bobby Gould, the former Wales coach who unsurprisingly “took no part in Arsenal’s 1970 Inter-Cities Fairs Cup final win.” Poor old Bobby is now assistant coach with the mighty Hawke’s Bay United in New Zealand. Fact.

Crazy goal in the Pompey - Everton game this afternoon. Pompey’s Matt Taylor caught Tim Howard off his line from about 40 yards out and one-timed a complete howitzer of a shot that froze Timmy solid in a state of bafflement, disbelief, and shame. In Timmy’s defense, Matt Taylor was pretty far away (though apparently he’s done this before — go figure). Geez, I hope Bob Bradley wasn’t watching!

Also, you can now pre-emptively blame Matt Taylor for the ridiculous forty-yard attempt I mishit into the parking lot in my rec-league soccer game this week.

Link:
The other time Matt Taylor hit from downtown.

Dude, after six months the best these guys can come up with is a freakin interim coach?

An interim coach?

I mean, I don’t want to get down on Bob Bradley (ignore previous comments in re: “retread MLS coaches”), but this just isn’t terribly inspirational from U.S. Soccer. It isn’t even like they picked the best retread MLS coach. They just picked the…I don’t even know.

I guess it’s semi-charming that I might run into Mr. Bradley at The Meetings (meaning he has a chance to see the Camena crest in person!) and that he was the coach at my alma mater while I was there. That’s kind of neat. But I’m more interested in “U.S. Soccer winning games” than I am “chugging beers with him at the P-Rade.”

(Sigh.)

Link:
Bradley to be named interim U.S. coach

Err, so I guess he’s not coming after all? Oops. Cheers to all the media who got this one wrong — way to confirm your second-class citizenship in the already downmarket U.S. footy press. Great work with all that. Note: editors at ESPN and SI are not exempt from said criticism either.

I was actually pretty pumped up for Klinsmann; he seemed like an appropriate change of pace from Il Bruce, and had a certain soccer-meets-Moneyball feel about him, what with his controversial training methods and whatnot. But I guess it wasn’t meant to be. Sigh.

So now we’re looking at Jose Pekerman? If we’re lucky? Keep your fingers crossed that we don’t sign up some MLS retread. I think we already had the best one of those.

Somewhere, Bruce Arena is nursing a Bud Light and smiling.

Link:
Klinsmann withdraws candidacy as U.S. coach

Klinsmann, yes!!!

Players: 41 out of 49. Points scored: 267. Highest score: 9 (Patrick Bevilacqua, Neil Hayes, Wendy Nathan, Stewart Newport, Saleel Sathe). Average score: 6.51. Prediction of the Week: Paul Bentley, Patrick Bevilacqua, Scott “why ask me to jinx the dandy Dons?” Christie (Portsmouth 2-2 Aston Villa).

Results: Arsenal 3-0 Tottenham Hotspur (0); Blackburn Rovers 2-0 Fulham (6); Middlesbrough 1-2 Manchester United (10); Portsmouth 2-2 Aston Villa (3); Reading 1-0 Bolton Wanderers (3); Sheffield United 2-1 Charlton Athletic (9); Wigan Athletic 0-4 Liverpool (0); Everton 2-0 West Ham United (5); Manchester City 0-0 Watford (1); Celtic 1-0 Aberdeen (2).

Question: What does Dave Taylor have in common with cricketers Paul Collingwood, Kevin Pietersen, Ricky Ponting and Michael Clarke? Answer: They all recorded swashbuckling centuries at the weekend.

While Ponting and the other Pom-bashing Aussies were strolling to a 2-0 lead in the Ashes, Dave was happily bringing up his ton to maintain a three-point cushion at the top of the Predictorship.

Dave’s 102 points are made up of 79 correct results (second only to Hope Arnold - thankfully recovered from her “food-induced haze” - on 82) and 23 correct scores, the same number as Saleel Sathe, on the rampage and up to third, and, bizarrely, the not so rampaging Mazair Sattari in 29th.

Listen up, here’s the science bit: After 15 weeks and 150 games, Dave is one of only eight predictors to have at least a 50% success rate when it comes to correct results. Almost one in six of his predictions have been spot on.

Looking at the wider picture, just seven players have made it to 11 points in any given week, with a top score of 12 for Christine Butters in week 8 and Haresh Mirani in week 11. It’s a tough old season.

Personally, I blame teams like Fulham, Manchester City, Blackburn, Everton, Bolton, Middlesbrough, Reading, West Ham, Portsmouth, Tottenham and Wigan who are consistently inconsistent and nigh on impossible to predict with any degree of certainty every week. It gets even more mind-boggling when they play each other.

In other news, our best wishes go out to British Hit Singles & Albums predictors David Roberts and James Bradley, who are moving on to pastures new after 31 and six years respectively at the Bible of Pop. Fear not, predictors, your favourite football game is unaffected save for David’s snazzy new e-mail address.

For anyone who couldn’t make the leaving party, you’ll be delighted to hear that DJ Bradley - proudly sporting a replica Northern Ireland shirt from 1982, the year they reached the quarter-finals of the World Cup (no, I couldn’t believe it either) - spun some wicked sounds. Highlights included Britney’s ‘Toxic’, Bon Jovi’s rock-tastic ‘Livin’ on a Prayer’ and the Osmonds’ most un-Osmond-like ‘Crazy Horses’, which induced some manic dancefloor action from fellow predictor Rob Dimery. The Cheltenham man’s a legend in his own lifetime.

On the other side of the Atlantic (or not, depending on where you’re reading this), there’s some great news from Predictorship rookie Brian Dunlop, who recently announced his engagement to Polly Emery, and Pete Yoder, possibly the fittest predictor in the league, who recently completed the New York City marathon in under four hours. Congratulations to you both and thanks to my undercover source. We’re watching you, so be good …

If you have any news - football related or otherwise - I’m only an e-mail away: mattwhite03@hotmail.com.

Coming soon: The Predictorship Cup. Are you ready for the excitement? See week 12’s round-up for the all-important details.

Quote of the week …

“Our first goal was pure textile” - John Lambie, who fashioned three spells as manager of Scottish First Division club Partick Thistle.

My my, it has been a while since I’ve posted! But that’s an entirely different story altogether.

Click play below for some complete high comedy in re: Fox Sports en Espanol. Even if you’re not into ManYoo, you have to appreciate the passion for 80s favorites (with Jeremy St. Louis cackling in the background):

“Laura Branigan has no idea.”