Players: 37 out of 49. Points scored: 169. Highest score: 9 (”The Lucky 13″: Basil Bradley, Mark Davies, Paul Dolan, Mike Dufficy, Brian Dunlop, Jodie Kemp, Ronan L’Heveder, Trevor Morris, Norman No Mates, Sanjiv Sachdev, Maziar Sattari, Della Torra, Pete Yoder). Average score: 4.56. Total correct scores: 51. Prediction of the Week: Haresh Mirani (Manchester United 1-1 Middlesbrough). Seasonal Highs: Alex Iskandar Liew (32nd), Trevor Morris (38th).

Results: Bolton Wanderers 1-3 Reading (0); Charlton Athletic 1-1 Sheffield United (8); Fulham 1-1 Blackburn Rovers (6); Liverpool 2-0 Wigan Athletic (10); Manchester United 1-1 Middlesbrough (1); Tottenham Hotspur 2-2 Arsenal (3); Watford 1-1 Manchester City (13); West Ham United 1-0 Everton (4); Aston Villa 0-0 Portsmouth (5); Newcastle United 0-0 Chelsea (1).

Current Top 10 …

Pos. - Team - (Predictor) - Week 33 Points - Correct Results - Correct Scores - Total Points

1. MANCHESTER CITY (Christine Butters) - 6 - 174 - 47 - 221
2. CHELSEA (Dave Taylor) - 3 - 174 - 43 - 217
3. MANCHESTER UNITED (Hope Arnold) - 2 - 174 - 42 - 216
4. LIVERPOOL RESERVES (Saleel Sathe) - 3 - 161 - 46 - 207
5. IPSWICH TOWN (Nick Watson) - 7 - 159 - 44 - 203
6. BENFICA (Steven Dunlop) - 5 - 163 - 40 - 203
7. JERSEY UNITED (Mike Dufficy) - 9 - 165 - 38 - 203
8. WEST BROMWICH ALBION (Mark Young) - 4 - 165 - 38 - 203
9. PETERBOROUGH UNITED (Steve McHugh) - 6 - 161 - 41 - 202
10. BENGAL MUMBAI F.C. (Haresh Mirani) - 7 - 152 - 48 - 200

It’s been a week bigger than Liverpool legend Phil Thompson’s nose in the Predictorship. (”Oh the shadow outside is frightening, stops the sun from shining light in, you can see it wherever he goes, Thompson’s nose, Thompson’s nose, Thompson’s nose” - sung to the tune of ‘Let It Snow’.)

Christine Butters has her little finger on the Predictorship trophy after securing six points, three jackpots and a four-point lead at the top of the table, but the chasing pack are left feeling as flat as the balloon burst by Bolton’s cheeky Greek midfielder Stelios Giannakopoulos on Saturday, or as statuesque as Getafe players when Barcelona’s Lionel Messi (the “new Maradona”) decided to run rings around them in the Copa del Rey (http://youtube.com/watch?v=cuazOPnp_64).

Seven draws, including two goalless encounters on Sunday that rendered ‘Match of the Day 2′ unessential viewing, spell disaster for Dave Taylor (three points), Hope Arnold (two), Saleel Sathe (three) and anyone else who believes predicting draws is unfashionable in this day and age.

On the other hand, if you were on holiday last week/forgot to submit your scores/have given up the ghost/intentionally didn’t play because you knew there’d be lots of draws (delete as applicable) you now belong to a select group - dubbed “The Lucky 13″ - who miraculously notch up nine points. Among their number you’ll find last season’s champion Mike Dufficy, one of four players handily placed on 203 points. The race for Europe (a Predictorship myth?) has never been so tasty.

If you prefer to dismiss the lofty achievements of the no-shows, you should instead raise a glass of bubbly to Rob Dimery, constantly plagued by the relegation fears of his beloved Cheltenham Town but showing the strength of character to rise above it all with eight points of his own doing. A 100% success rate for the games at Liverpool (Rob’s second team), Tottenham, Watford and Aston Villa make it all possible.

Quote of the Week …

“It’s the end of democracy, we go back to old times” - Jose Mourinho, bemoaning Chelsea’s inability to close the gap on Manchester United with a 0-0 stalemate at Newcastle on Sunday.

Where Are They Now? (Part 4) …

Johan Cruijff, Dutch striker and the most famous exponent of “Total Football”, which, as Wikipedia helpfully explains, is a system “where a player who moves out of his position is replaced by another from his team, thus retaining their intended organisational structure. In this fluid system, no footballer is fixed in his intended outfield role; anyone can be successively an attacker, a midfielder and a defender.” Anyway, Johan, who bagged 190 goals in 229 appearances for Ajax (who last week retired his No.14 shirt), is “an influential advisor” to both Ajax and Barcelona (where he netted another 48 goals in 143 appearances). It’s anyone’s guess what an “advisor” does, let alone an influential one, but it’s rumoured to involve clocking up thousands of air miles annually between Holland and Spain, sitting in on meetings that have been called just to announce the next meeting and pointing out a few irrelevant tactical things. Every team needs one.

Players: 36 out of 49. Points scored: 208. Highest score: 9 (Rob Molloy, Sanjiv Sachdev, Michael Whitty). Average score: 5.77. Total correct scores: 46. Prediction of the Week: Norman No Mates (Manchester City 0-0 Liverpool). Seasonal High: Michael Whitty (21st).

Results: Manchester United 4-1 Watford (0); Blackburn Rovers 1-1 Chelsea (score at 90 minutes) (5); Arsenal 2-1 Bolton Wanderers (11); Manchester City 0-0 Liverpool (1); Middlesbrough 1-3 Aston Villa (0); Portsmouth 2-1 Newcastle United (12); Reading 1-0 Fulham (7); Sheffield United 3-0 West Ham United (0); Everton 2-1 Charlton Athletic (10); Wigan Athletic 3-3 Tottenham Hotspur (0).

Current Top 10 …

Pos. - Team - (Predictor) - Week 32 Points - Correct Results - Correct Scores - Total Points

1. MANCHESTER CITY (Christine Butters) - 6 - 171 - 44 - 215
2. MANCHESTER UNITED (Hope Arnold) - 6 - 172 - 42 - 214
3. CHELSEA (Dave Taylor) - 7 - 172 - 42 - 214
4. LIVERPOOL RESERVES (Saleel Sathe) - 7 - 159 - 45 - 204
5. WEST BROMWICH ALBION (Mark Young) - 5 - 162 - 37 - 199
6. BENFICA (Steven Dunlop) - 7 - 160 - 38 - 198
7. ANKARAGÜCÜ (Matthew White) - 7 - 167 - 31 - 198
8. IPSWICH TOWN (Nick Watson) - 3 - 155 - 41 - 196
9. PETERBOROUGH UNITED (Steve McHugh) - 6 - 156 - 40 - 196
10. JERSEY UNITED (Mike Dufficy) - 4 - 158 - 36 - 194

Take Sheffield United boss Neil Warnock’s “great British football - all tackles, excitement, oohs and aahs” and multiply it tenfold. The race for the Predictorship title is even closer than last week.

Thirty-two weeks into the season and it’s edge of the seat stuff with just one point separating Christine Butters, Hope Arnold and Dave Taylor. The time has come to throw a Predictorship-branded blanket over the three of them with instructions to fight it out amongst themselves.

Hope and Dave are inseparable (note to Jill Taylor: in points only), sharing 172 correct results and 42 correct scores. Hope retains second place by virtue of the fact that her surname starts with the letter ‘A’, although her alphabetical superiority in the Predictorship may be short-lived: Mr Aarnoold from Swaziland is being readied for the 2007-2008 campaign.

The leading three predictors remain 10 points clear of Liverpool Reserves gaffer Saleel Sathe, who has now edged five points clear of a despondent chasing pack led by “Baggies Boy” Mark Young.

Lower down the pecking order, Michael Whitty (Bunch of Losers) claims this week’s only seasonal high, hitting a new peak of 21st with a joint top score of the week (nine points), an honour he shares with Reading fan Rob Molloy (Farnborough Town, 30th) and Doncaster Rovers boss Sanjiv Sachdev (43rd).

A resurgent Stuart Claxton (another Reading supporter) slithers out of the bottom three at the expense of Paul Dolan (MetroStars), who spends a record 20th week in the wilderness to wipe the name “Clackers” from the record books. Indeed, you’re bound to find Paul’s name in the 2008 edition of Guinness World Records, probably somewhere in that endless list of sports records at the back of the book. A certificate is on its way to you, Paul. No adjudication necessary.

The Predictorship Cup …

Clapton F.C. (Cathryn Harker) and Sheffield Wednesday (Janet Jones) will contest the Predictorship Cup final on May 19.

Clapton F.C. scuppered all thoughts of a fairytale Jones-Roberts final by defeating Watford (David Roberts) 6-5, whilst Wednesday easily overcame the challenge of rank outsiders Living the Dream (Paul Bentley), dishing out a Manchester United-esque 8-2 beating.

Cathryn and Janet will have just one match to focus their attention on next month: Chelsea v Manchester United at the new Wembley. Both are just one prediction away from Cup glory.

More details to follow, ladies …

Where Are They Now? (Part 3) …

Roger Milla, zimmer frame-courting Cameroon striker who bagged four goals at the 1990 World Cup in Italy at the age of 38. Milla, the first footballer to make it fashionable to dance around the corner flag after scoring (the “World Cup Wiggle”), and officially the best African footballer of the last 50 years, became the oldest World Cup goalscorer in 1994 before becoming an ambassador for Cameroon and UNAIDS, the Joint United Nations Programme on HIV/AIDS. Described as “tireless in his global efforts”, you might find Roger enjoying his retirement on the island of Réunion in the Indian Ocean. Then again, you might not.

Carlos Alberto Torres, Brazilian defender and scorer of THAT goal in the World Cup final against Italy in 1970 (see link below). Carlos, now 62, spent six years entertaining the North American Soccer League with New York Cosmos and California Surf and was inducted into the US National Soccer Hall of Fame in 2003. He coached the Azerbaijan national team until June 2005 and, after a spell at Brazilian Série C side Paysandu Sport Club, returned to coach Série A outfit Botafogo de Futebol e Regatas in Rio de Janeiro. As far as we know, he’s still there.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/world_cup_2006/teams/brazil/4759831.stm

Players: 38 out of 49. Points scored: 222. Highest score: 10 (Joe Zalewski). Average score: 5.84. Total correct scores: 38. Predictions of the Week: Rob Dimery, Tom Palmer and Joe Zalewski (Sheffield United 1-2 Newcastle United) and anyone who predicted an Aston Villa win at Blackburn.

Results: Arsenal 0-1 West Ham United (0); Blackburn Rovers 1-2 Aston Villa (0); Chelsea 1-0 Tottenham Hotspur (7); Middlesbrough 4-1 Watford (0); Portsmouth 2-1 Manchester United (0); Reading 1-2 Liverpool (14); Sheffield United 1-2 Newcastle United (3); Wigan Athletic 1-3 Bolton Wanderers (0); Celtic 1-0 Motherwell (4); St Mirren 0-1 Rangers (10).

Current Top 10 …

Pos. - Team - (Predictor) - Week 31 Points - Correct Results - Correct Scores - Total Points

1. MANCHESTER CITY (Christine Butters) - 6 - 166 - 43 - 209
2. MANCHESTER UNITED (Hope Arnold) - 6 - 167 - 41 - 208
3. CHELSEA (Dave Taylor) - 8 - 166 - 41 - 207
4. LIVERPOOL RESERVES (Saleel Sathe) - 8 - 153 - 44 - 197
5. WEST BROMWICH ALBION (Mark Young) - 3 - 157 - 37 - 194
6. IPSWICH TOWN (Nick Watson) - 7 - 152 - 41 - 193
7. BENFICA (Steven Dunlop) - 5 - 155 - 36 - 191
8. ANKARAGÜCÜ (Matthew White) - 5 - 161 - 30 - 191
9. PETERBOROUGH UNITED (Steve McHugh) - 7 - 152 - 38 - 190
10. JERSEY UNITED (Mike Dufficy) - 7 - 155 - 35 - 190

Ten-point troubadour Joe Zalewski (Liverpool) climbs eight places, Stuart Claxton (Reading) clambers out of the bottom two and Paul Dolan (MetroStars) teeters on the brink of an unenviable record. And there’s more high drama at the business end of the table.

Dave Taylor (Chelsea) comes up trumps as the biggest mover and shaker in the top three, with more 1-0 jiggery-pokery landing him eight points. The observant among you will notice something interesting, if not totally amazing: Dave has the same number of correct results (166) as Christine Butters (Manchester City) and the same number of correct scores (41) as Hope Arnold (Manchester United) as he claws his way to within two points of leading the pack for the first time since week 16.

Joe Zalewski’s double-figure delight includes four correct scores (the games hosted by Chelsea, Reading, Sheffield United and St Mirren), allowing him to top the next best total for the week by a whole two points. That’s some achievement.

Nobody can remember the last time Stuart Claxton was not bothering the league’s lowest two rungs, so it’s a minor miracle he’s shuffled up to 47th with a vastly improved attendance record.

Conversely, the Predictorship roll call has long since dispensed with the services of Paul Dolan, runner-up just two seasons ago, who has now been MOA (missing out of action) for 19 consecutive weeks, equalling Stuart’s marvellous display of absenteeism from week 5 to week 23 inclusive. If you know where Paul is hibernating, now’s the time to give him a forceful nudge.

The 11 predictors who failed to show their faces this week are looking as conspicuous as Joleon Lescott at a Bolton free-kick as there were no draws, let alone scoreless draws, to speak of. So whilst you’re busy spotting the big fat zeros littering the lower half of the table, there’s just time to tell you the semi-finals of the Predictorship Cup take place this weekend: Living the Dream (Paul Bentley) v Sheffield Wednesday (Janet Jones) and Watford (David Roberts) v Clapton F.C. (Cathryn Harker). The best of luck to all four Cup survivors.

Where Are They Now? (Part 2) …

Carlos Valderrama, aka “The best Colombian footballer of all time” and the country’s third finest export after cocaine and Shakira: The frizz-tastic Valderrama disappointed millions of fans by failing to do the obvious (run his own hairdressing salon in deepest Bogota) following his retirement in 2004. Carlos is now busy being a father to his five children, although it’s rumoured several teams have tried to tempt him into semi-professionalism, amongst them Colombian sides Deportivo Cali, Once Caldas and Centauros Villavicencio … and Unibond Northern Premier League outfit Leek Town.

Peter Beardsley, square-jawed Newcastle United (1983-1987 and 1993-1997), Liverpool (1987-1991) and Everton (1991-1993) striker with a memorable pudding bowl haircut: After bowing out of football in 1999 with Hartlepool United, Doncaster Rovers and the Melbourne Knights, “Beardo” now finds himself on the coaching staff at the Newcastle Academy, but he dreams of one day opening an ice cream shop in the Staffordshire town of Tamworth. Peter once claimed he would like to press the button at a pelican crossing all day if he was invisible for 24 hours. (Do pelican crossings have buttons?) During the twilight of his career with the Melbourne Knights, he also got booked in injury time for playing a whole match with his shorts on back-to-front.

Football - what a crazy game.

Players: 41 out of 49. Points scored: 297. Highest score: 11 (Paul Bentley, Nigel Birrell, Steven Dunlop, Maziar Sattari and Dave Taylor). Average score: 7.24. Total correct scores: 54. Prediction of the Week: Maziar Sattari (Newcastle United 0-1 Manchester City). Seasonal Highs: Simon Gold (21st), Alex Iskandar Liew (33rd) and Trevor Morris (40th).

Results: Bolton Wanderers 1-0 Sheffield United (7); Charlton Athletic 1-0 Wigan Athletic (9); Fulham 1-1 Portsmouth (11); Liverpool 4-1 Arsenal (0); Manchester United 4-1 Blackburn Rovers (0); Newcastle United 0-1 Manchester City (1); West Ham United 2-0 Middlesbrough (2); Watford 0-1 Chelsea (2); Tottenham Hotspur 1-0 Reading (5); Aston Villa 1-1 Everton (17).

Current Top 10 …

Pos. - Team - (Predictor) - Week 30 Points - Correct Results - Correct Scores - Total Points

1. MANCHESTER CITY (Christine Butters) - 5 - 160 - 43 - 203
2. MANCHESTER UNITED (Hope Arnold) - 7 - 162 - 40 - 202
3. CHELSEA (Dave Taylor) - 11 - 161 - 38 - 199
4. WEST BROMWICH ALBION (Mark Young) - 9 - 154 - 37 - 191
5. LIVERPOOL RESERVES (Saleel Sathe) - 9 - 148 - 41 - 189
6. IPSWICH TOWN (Nick Watson) - 10 - 147 - 39 - 186
7. BENFICA (Steven Dunlop) - 11 - 151 - 35 - 186
8. ANKARAGÜCÜ (Matthew White) - 6 - 156 - 30 - 186
9. BENGAL MUMBAI F.C. (Haresh Mirani) - 2 - 139 - 44 - 183
10. PETERBOROUGH UNITED (Steve McHugh) - 10 - 147 - 36 - 183

What did I tell you a couple of weeks ago? If in doubt, scribble down 1-0. Dave Taylor (Chelsea), forever in doubt (it would seem), always does the sensible thing and, with another glut of 1-0 results safely tucked away in the points bank, moves to within striking distance of Christine Butters (Manchester City), who - averaging a healthy 6.76 points per week - has joined the 200 club.

Throw Hope Arnold (Manchester United) - now just a point behind Christine - into the melting pot and you have a three-way title tussle. It will go down to the wire this season. I can just feel it.

Maziar Sattari (Seattle Gooners, 29th) is hitting the headlines in mid-table with an 11-point week, a record-equalling five correct scores (the matches at Bolton, Charlton, Fulham, Newcastle and Watford) and, incredibly, more coupon-busting correct scores (44) than any other predictor bar ninth-placed Haresh Mirani (Bengal Mumbai F.C.), who has also landed 44 big ones.

There’s much back-slapping in the Paul Bentley (Living the Dream), Nigel Birrell (Charlton Athletic) and Steven Dunlop (Benfica) camps this week as they each rack up 11 points and Scott Christie (Aberdeen), Steve McHugh (Peterborough United) and Nick Watson (Ipswich Town) join the veritable feast with 10 points. If my calculations are correct, eight predictors dip their toes into double-figure waters this week. It could be some sort of record.

Question of the Week - The Answer …

Last week I asked you which player in the top four English divisions has yet to taste defeat this season. The player in question is Hartlepool United’s Andy Monkhouse, who has enjoyed a remarkable 23-match unbeaten run with the Pools (aka the Monkey Hangers!) and, earlier in the season, never ended up on the losing side when he turned out for Swindon Town.

Where Are They Now? (Part 1) …

Tony Yeboah, Ghanaian footballer and scorer of some of the finest goals ever witnessed in the Premiership (see below): Last sighting in December 2006 at the Anthony Baffoe XI v. Anthony Yeboah XI charity match, raising funds for orphanages in his homeland.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBx_c8Y0r0c&mode=related&search=

Bruce Grobbelaar, highly eccentric Liverpool (1980-1994) shot-stopper who became embroiled in match-fixing allegations: Tipped to come out of retirement to play for Northern Counties East Football League Premier Division strugglers Glasshoughton Welfare against Maltby Main on April 14, according to Liverpool’s official website. I kid you not.