What do Dave McAleer (Crystal Palace), Trevor Morris (Sunderland) and Ben Wallis (Northampton Town) all have in common (besides supporting rubbish teams)? They all share this week’s highest score (eight) following another difficult weekend of predicting.

This news will come as a relief to Trevor, in particular, whose wretched campaign – including four weeks on the bench – had threatened to derail his title challenge before it’d even begun. Yes, he’s still propping up the table, but Trevor’s Tyne and Wear charges are now within touching distance (two points) of Michael Whitty’s Bunch of Losers and all the other under-achieving predictors for whom the winter will be long and, furthermore, hard.

One of the Predictorship’s unwritten laws is never let your honeymoon get in the way of sending in your predictions. Don’t forget Bill Shankly’s immortal words of wisdom, conveniently tampered with here in search of a cheap laugh: “Football is not a matter of life, marriage and death. It’s far more important than the wife”. Linfield’s James Bradley is therefore guilty as charged, picking up a red card and putting himself in relegation peril for taking a new wife and giving her his undivided attention. It just won’t do.

Premiership Results (Week 7): Arsenal 5-0 Derby (0); Fulham 3-3 Manchester City (0); Liverpool 0-0 Birmingham (1); Middlesbrough 2-2 Sunderland (2); Reading 2-1 Wigan (10); Aston Villa 2-0 Everton (4); Blackburn 0-1 Portsmouth (0); Bolton 1-1 Tottenham (2); Manchester United 2-0 Chelsea (7); Newcastle 3-1 West Ham (0).
* Figures in brackets show the number of correct predictions for each game.

Highest Score (Week 7): 8 – Dave McAleer, Trevor Morris and Ben Wallis.
Average Score (Week 7): 5.29.
Predictions of the Week (Week 7): Trevor Morris and Michael Whitty (Middlesbrough 2-2 Sunderland).

Top of the Table (Week 7):
1. Chelsea (Dave Taylor) – 49 pts
2. Jersey United (Mike Dufficy) – 47 pts
3. Seattle Gooners (Maziar Sattari) – 44 pts
4. Charlton Athletic (Nigel Birrell) – 44 pts
5. Philadelphia Eagles (Gabe Bevilacqua) – 44 pts
6. Wycombe Wanderers (Stewart Newport) – 44 pts
7. Everton (Hope Arnold) – 43 pts
8. Clapton F.C. (Cathryn Harker) – 43 pts
9. West Ham United (Wendy Nathan) – 43 pts
10. Millwall (John Collins) – 43 pts

“Tal Ben Haim - a defender in name only. He has all the positional awareness of a toddler on a merry-go-round” - BBC Sport columnist and self-confessed soccer nut Derek ‘Robbo’ Robson.

Is there no stopping the juggernaut that is Dave Taylor? Another three 1-0 results produce nine points in a low-scoring week and the Chelsea man suddenly has a three-point lead at the head of the pack.

It begs an obvious question. Why do we all spend hours, sometimes minutes, deliberating, cogitating and procrastinating each and every week when we could simply stick down 1-0 10 times and be done with it? Just think how much time we would save. Instead of gazing blankly into space in search of enlightenment, we would actually get some work done. Turnover would increase noticeably, profits would soar and the world economy would be in tip-top shape.

Now who’s brave enough to join me for an experimental game of 1-0 next week?

Back in the real world, there are super eights for Philadelphia Eagle Gabe Bevilacqua, Tottenham’s Simon Gold and Northampton Town’s Ben Wallis, but Week 6 is littered with a not inconsiderable 26 predictors who register twos, threes, fours and fives. Peterborough United’s Steve McHugh, Southampton’s Tom Palmer and Ipswich Town’s Nick Watson lower this week’s average score even further with a collective three. Your Predictorship ‘Hall of Shame’ induction ceremony invitations are in the post.

We almost have a full house of scores this week as 42 predictors show up. The only absentee, James Bradley, can be forgiven for having other things on his mind, namely his marriage to Katie (the first of at least two Predictorship weddings this season). Congratulations to you both from Predictorship HQ. James’ next endeavour will involve sneaking out of his honeymoon suite, hijacking a computer and submitting his scores later this week. You’re on a yellow, Bradley. Tread very carefully and don’t make any rash tackles …

Premiership Results (Week 6): Birmingham 1-0 Bolton (7); Chelsea 0-0 Blackburn (1); Everton 0-1 Manchester United (4); Portsmouth 0-0 Liverpool (1); Sunderland 2-1 Reading (8); Tottenham 1-3 Arsenal (3); West Ham 3-0 Middlesbrough (0); Wigan 1-1 Fulham (7); Manchester City 1-0 Aston Villa (8); Derby 1-0 Newcastle (1).
* Figures in brackets show the number of correct predictions for each game.

Highest Score (Week 6): 9 – Dave Taylor.
Average Score (Week 6): 4.57.
Predictions of the Week (Week 6): Gary Waller (Derby 1-0 Newcastle).

Top of the Table (Week 6):
1. Chelsea (Dave Taylor) – 45 pts
2. Jersey United (Mike Dufficy) – 42 pts
3. Seattle Gooners (Maziar Sattari) – 40 pts
4. Philadelphia Eagles (Gabe Bevilacqua) – 39 pts
5. Charlton Athletic (Nigel Birrell) – 38 pts
6. Millwall (John Collins) – 38 pts
7. Wolverhampton Wanderers (Pete Yoder) – 37 pts
8. Everton (Hope Arnold) – 37 pts
9. Manchester City (Christine Butters) – 37 pts
10. Liverpool Lawro (Mark Lawrenson) – 37 pts

“The style of how we play is very important. But it’s all about omelettes and eggs. No eggs, no omelettes. And it depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket, you have class one, class two, class three eggs. Some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. When the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there you have a problem” – Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho, the “rugged-looking one”.

“It’s a volley that’s a peach really” – John Motson describes Adebayor’s wonder strike for Arsenal against on Tottenham on ‘Match of the Day’. It looked suspiciously like a volley to me.

Millwall’s John Collins and our guest predictor, BBC pundit Mark Lawrenson, take the plaudits this week with nine points apiece.

Week 1 leader John climbs five places to third in the table as Lawro moves ominously into sixth, despite only offering predictions for England, Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland on the BBC Sport website. Four draws elsewhere, including two goalless affairs, do wonders for the Liverpool legend’s total score.

Jersey United’s Mike Dufficy, who knows a thing or two about this Predictorship lark, becomes the fourth different table-topper of the 2007-08 season. His seven-point haul (which included correct scores for the Latvia and Holland games) is just enough to overhaul last week’s top man Dave Taylor. Both have registered 28 correct results and eight correct scores to date, but Mike’s alphabetically superior surname gives him the proverbial nod.

The Predictorship has been whittled down to 43 teams this week. Basil Bradley, Stuart Claxton, Mark Davies, Paul Dolan, Jodie Kemp, Ronan L’Heveder, Haresh Mirani and Sanjiv Sachdev pay the price for rampant absenteeism and have been loaned out to Blue Square Premier Division clubs to regain match fitness. It’s a long road back from there.

In their absence, there are just two yellow cards this week: Everton’s Hope Arnold (who was utterly devastated when she missed a week last season – Samaritans take note) and Peterborough United’s Steve McHugh are the culprits. Happily for both, last weekend’s selected European fixtures produced five draws and a whopping seven points.

Have you ever wondered what strange thoughts pass through the minds of your fellow predictors? Here, in an FC Camena exclusive, Wycombe Wanderers’ Stewart Newport, perilously close to taking the whole thing far too seriously, offers an insight into the art of predicting.

Before you read on, please note: Owen and Ronaldo DID score for England and Portugal respectively, Scotland NEARLY scored two goals in the last 10 minutes (although Craig Gordon DIDN’T save Lithuania’s penalty) and Berbatov undoubtedly shrugged his shoulders in the first two minutes (and every two minutes thereafter) of the Bulgaria game. Now that’s what I call smart predicting.

* Portugal 2 Poland 0 (Ronaldo double including a header; he celebrates with a visit to a phonebox to get a number …);
* Italy 1 France 1 (last minute reply from Italy following a Henry finger-to-lips celebration in the first half);
* Scotland 2 Lithuania 0 (two goals in the last 10 minutes calm the Tartan army after Craig Gordon saves a penalty);
* Slovakia 2 Republic of Ireland 0 (Steve Staunton looks red-faced following a poor performance and still he has a daft tie-knot in the post match interview);
* Wales 1 Germany 3 (Wales score first, then it all goes pear-shaped following Bellamy getting sent off);
* England 3 Israel 0 (goals scored by Heskey, off his arse from a clearance by the keeper, Owen following a defence splitting pass from Gerrard’s numb toe, which is playing out wide left with the rest of Gerrard through the middle, and a mistimed dive and flap leading to a bullet header from a corner by Robinson, who forgot which end he was playing at and had ventured forward);
* Iceland 0 Spain 2 (not much to say here really, Torres gets one of them though);
* Latvia 2 Northern Ireland 1 (all the good work of the campaign goes to waste, but Healy scores … again);
* Sweden 2 Denmark 1 (match abandonded on 87 minutes after a fight involving some people dressed as vikings in the crowd);
* Holland 3 Bulgaria 0 (Berbatov seen shrugging his shoulders and arms outstretched in frustration in the first two minutes).

European Championship Qualifying Results (Week 5): Portugal 2-2 Poland (0); Italy 0-0 France (3); Scotland 3-1 Lithuania (0); Slovakia 2-2 Republic of Ireland (3); Wales 0-2 Germany (5); England 3-0 Israel (2); Iceland 1-1 Spain (5); Latvia 1-0 Northern Ireland (5); Sweden 0-0 Denmark (2); Holland 2-0 Bulgaria (11).
* Figures in brackets show the number of correct predictions for each game.

Highest Score (Week 5): 9 – John Collins and Mark Lawrenson.
Average Score (Week 5): 6.17.
Predictions of the Week (Week 5): Patrick Bevilacqua, Neil Hayes and Rob Molloy (Slovakia 2-2 Republic of Ireland); John Collins and Stewart Newport (England 3-0 Israel) – for believing when others didn’t.

Top of the Table (Week 5):
1. Jersey United (Mike Dufficy) – 36 pts
2. Chelsea (Dave Taylor) – 36 pts
3. Millwall (John Collins) – 35 pts
4. Seattle Gooners (Maziar Sattari) – 34 pts
5. Manchester City (Christine Butters) – 33 pts
6. Liverpool Lawro (Mark Lawrenson) – 33 pts
7. Liverpool (Joe Zalewski) – 33 pts
8. FC Squan 1980 (Patrick Bevilacqua) – 32 pts
9. Wycombe Wanderers (Stewart Newport) – 32 pts
10. Charlton Athletic (Nigel Birrell) – 31 pts

“Thought I’d enter into the spirit of tedium that is international football. No-one will score more than one goal. Mark these words” – Nick Watson, 100% correct except for Portugal, Poland and Scotland … and Slovakia and the Republic of Ireland … and Germany … and England … oh, and Holland.

Chelsea’s Dave Taylor surges to the head of the class with a top score of 10, and there’s more good news in the Taylor household as Dartmoor Rover Jill (aka Dave’s WAG) leaps into the top 10. Neighbours are strongly advised to brace themselves for the ensuing wild celebrations.

Dave, last season’s runner-up, had three 1-0 results to thank for his bumper return; Jill, the 2-0 queen, hit the jackpot at Middlesbrough and picked up enough points elsewhere to give hubby a good run for his money (there are no shared bank accounts in the Predictorship). Saleel Sathe matches Jill’s nine points with three correct scores of his own – or rather the same three as Dave as 1-0 fever spreads like the plague through the Predictorship.

Contenders for ‘Prediction of the Week’ were few and far between until Millwall’s John Collins stepped up to the plate (not a Predictorship one, I hasten to add). Aston Villa 1 Chelsea 0 is as bold and daring as predictions come and John was just a couple of minutes away from assuming God-like status when an angel called Gabriel Agbonlahor (he’s half Nigerian, half Scottish, not that you’d ever know) descended upon the Chelsea goal to make it 2-0.

Cypriarkos F.C.’s Neil Hayes and Michael Whitty’s aptly-named Bunch of Losers pick up yellow cards this week, and there’s another round of reds for the “Naughty Nine”, who all face extermination next week. We don’t want their sort hanging around our league.

The Unanswerables …

Why do some commentators refer to the goal as “the goals”? Yes, there are two goals, one at either end of the pitch. You can’t have two goals at one end. That would just be silly.

Why does the trainer’s magic spray always rejuvinate a prostrate footballer? What exactly goes into those magic cans?

Why is Emile Heskey back in the England squad for vital Euro 2008 qualifiers?

And while we’re at it: Why are strawberries always half price in supermarkets? When was the last time you paid a full-price £4 for a punnet? Never? Ha!

Premiership Results (Week 4): Bolton 1-2 Everton (7); Fulham 3-3 Tottenham (0); Liverpool 6-0 Derby (0); Manchester United 1-0 Sunderland (4); Middlesbrough 2-0 Birmingham (5); Newcastle 1-0 Wigan (8); Reading 0-3 West Ham (0); Arsenal 3-1 Portsmouth (0); Aston Villa 2-0 Chelsea (0); Blackburn 1-0 Manchester City (6).
* Figures in brackets show the number of correct predictions for each game.

Highest Score (Week 4): 10 – Dave Taylor.
Average Score (Week 4): 6.40.
Prediction of the Week (Week 4): John Collins (Aston Villa 1-0 Chelsea).

Top of the Table (Week 4):
1. Chelsea (Dave Taylor) – 30 pts
2. Jersey United (Mike Dufficy) – 29 pts
3. Seattle Gooners (Maziar Sattari) – 28 pts
4. Manchester City (Christine Butters) – 27 pts
5. Arsenal (Ted Warland) – 27 pts
6. Liverpool (Joe Zalewski) – 26 pts
7. Tricky Trees (Alex Iskandar Liew) – 26 pts
8. Millwall (John Collins) – 26 pts
9. Dartmoor Rovers (Jill Taylor) – 26 pts
10. FC Squan 1980 (Patrick Bevilacqua) – 25 pts

From the BBC Sport website: “Gold admitted he had sympathy with the view that the increasingly cosmopolitan look of the English game was having an adverse effect on the national team, but said it was a price fans would have to pay for the “greatest league in the world”. Thanks for that, Simon.