The Predictorship: Week 4 – Taylors Fit the Bill

Chelsea’s Dave Taylor surges to the head of the class with a top score of 10, and there’s more good news in the Taylor household as Dartmoor Rover Jill (aka Dave’s WAG) leaps into the top 10. Neighbours are strongly advised to brace themselves for the ensuing wild celebrations.

Dave, last season’s runner-up, had three 1-0 results to thank for his bumper return; Jill, the 2-0 queen, hit the jackpot at Middlesbrough and picked up enough points elsewhere to give hubby a good run for his money (there are no shared bank accounts in the Predictorship). Saleel Sathe matches Jill’s nine points with three correct scores of his own – or rather the same three as Dave as 1-0 fever spreads like the plague through the Predictorship.

Contenders for ‘Prediction of the Week’ were few and far between until Millwall’s John Collins stepped up to the plate (not a Predictorship one, I hasten to add). Aston Villa 1 Chelsea 0 is as bold and daring as predictions come and John was just a couple of minutes away from assuming God-like status when an angel called Gabriel Agbonlahor (he’s half Nigerian, half Scottish, not that you’d ever know) descended upon the Chelsea goal to make it 2-0.

Cypriarkos F.C.’s Neil Hayes and Michael Whitty’s aptly-named Bunch of Losers pick up yellow cards this week, and there’s another round of reds for the “Naughty Nine”, who all face extermination next week. We don’t want their sort hanging around our league.

The Unanswerables …

Why do some commentators refer to the goal as “the goals”? Yes, there are two goals, one at either end of the pitch. You can’t have two goals at one end. That would just be silly.

Why does the trainer’s magic spray always rejuvinate a prostrate footballer? What exactly goes into those magic cans?

Why is Emile Heskey back in the England squad for vital Euro 2008 qualifiers?

And while we’re at it: Why are strawberries always half price in supermarkets? When was the last time you paid a full-price £4 for a punnet? Never? Ha!

Premiership Results (Week 4): Bolton 1-2 Everton (7); Fulham 3-3 Tottenham (0); Liverpool 6-0 Derby (0); Manchester United 1-0 Sunderland (4); Middlesbrough 2-0 Birmingham (5); Newcastle 1-0 Wigan (8); Reading 0-3 West Ham (0); Arsenal 3-1 Portsmouth (0); Aston Villa 2-0 Chelsea (0); Blackburn 1-0 Manchester City (6).
* Figures in brackets show the number of correct predictions for each game.

Highest Score (Week 4): 10 – Dave Taylor.
Average Score (Week 4): 6.40.
Prediction of the Week (Week 4): John Collins (Aston Villa 1-0 Chelsea).

Top of the Table (Week 4):
1. Chelsea (Dave Taylor) – 30 pts
2. Jersey United (Mike Dufficy) – 29 pts
3. Seattle Gooners (Maziar Sattari) – 28 pts
4. Manchester City (Christine Butters) – 27 pts
5. Arsenal (Ted Warland) – 27 pts
6. Liverpool (Joe Zalewski) – 26 pts
7. Tricky Trees (Alex Iskandar Liew) – 26 pts
8. Millwall (John Collins) – 26 pts
9. Dartmoor Rovers (Jill Taylor) – 26 pts
10. FC Squan 1980 (Patrick Bevilacqua) – 25 pts

From the BBC Sport website: “Gold admitted he had sympathy with the view that the increasingly cosmopolitan look of the English game was having an adverse effect on the national team, but said it was a price fans would have to pay for the “greatest league in the world”. Thanks for that, Simon.

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