The Predictorship: Week 9 – Dave Taylor: Officially a Genius

The legendary videprinter has been spewing out 1-0 after 1-0 in recent weeks (except, of course, for the one week this frustrated predictor attempted to jump aboard the bandwagon with six 1-0s of his own), and this week is certainly no exception.

Three more 1-0s give Dave Taylor an Iain Starr-equalling 12-point week, sending him seven points clear of Jersey United’s Mike Dufficy after just nine weeks of the season. The fat lady’s tonsils are not even lukewarm but it’s already looking like Dave for the Predictorship title. Or is it?

The question bugging Saleel Sathe (our other 1-0 fanatic) and the other also-rans (also known as the rest of us) is “How on earth do I outwit the Chelsea maestro?” There is no simple solution, but predicting lots of draws from now until the end of time, and hoping lots of spoils are shared in the Premier League, could knock Dave off his lofty perch.

Dave McAleer and Sally Moon – both in the form of their lives – and the aforementioned Saleel all weigh in with 11 points while Hope Arnold, Christine Butters, Cathryn Harker, Trevor Morris, Maziar Sattari and a shining Starr register 10s as the average score climbs to an unmanageable 8.25. It might be a Predictorship record.

Maziar will be kicking himself, quite possibly literally, for succumbing to a growing and worrying trend in the Predictorship – failing to predict all 10 matches (Bolton v Chelsea was his downfall). Iain, meanwhile, follows his record-breaking full house of correct results with nine more beauties. Newcastle’s Owen-inspired victory was the only result that eluded him.

In the week David Pleat saw Arsenal’s Philippe Senderos glance a header “off his balding palate”, there are more flashes of inspiration on scorecards everywhere. This week’s ‘Prediction of the Week’ contenders are Simon Gold (Newcastle 3 Everton 2), Simon (yes, him again), Cathryn Harker and Mark Young (Manchester United 4 Wigan 0), Dave McAleer (Manchester City 3 Middlesbrough 1), Trevor Morris (Fulham 0 Portsmouth 2) and Ted Warland (Liverpool 2 Tottenham 2). They’re all predictions right out of a very large top drawer. Find out which one got the nod for ‘Prediction of the Week’ below.

Amid rumours Norma has ditched husband Norman for a younger man with lots of friends, The Nil-Nils slump to the bottom of the Predictorship table for the first time this season as Trevor Morris rises like a phoenix and James Bradley returns to the fray after his wedding.

Dida – the backlash. A few of the best comments from YouTube following the Brazilian ‘keeper’s theatrics at Celtic Park …

* “He looks like a p***y, but Dida’s built like a s**thouse. He could never get away with that.”
* “What a loser. I’d love to see him tackled full speed by a professional rugby player – it would probably snap his flimsy littly body in half!”
* “I hate stupid players like Dida. I hope his career is over soon.”
* “Dida you s**g.”
* “Wow! No wonder people say soccer players are a bunch of sissies.”
* “Dida is a p***k. Simple.”
* “Dida = pathetic human being.”

Premiership Results (Week 9): Aston Villa 1-0 West Ham (9); Manchester United 4-0 Wigan (3); Arsenal 3-2 Sunderland (0); Blackburn 2-1 Birmingham (12); Bolton 0-1 Chelsea (8); Fulham 0-2 Portsmouth (1); Liverpool 2-2 Tottenham (1); Manchester City 3-1 Middlesbrough (1); Newcastle 3-2 Everton (1); Reading 1-0 Derby (16).
* Figures in brackets show the number of correct predictions for each game.

Highest Score (Week 9): 12 – Dave Taylor.
Average Score (Week 9): 8.25.
Prediction of the Week (Week 9): Simon Gold (Newcastle 3-2 Everton) – nudging out the other contenders by virtue of an aggregate goal tally of five.

Top of the Table (Week 9):

1. Chelsea (Dave Taylor) – 71 pts
2. Jersey United (Mike Dufficy) – 64 pts
3. Charlton Athletic (Nigel Birrell) – 63 pts
4. Clapton F.C. (Cathryn Harker) – 62 pts
5. Seattle Gooners (Maziar Sattari) – 61 pts
6. Crystal Palace (Dave McAleer) – 61 pts
7. Liverpool Reserves (Saleel Sathe) – 60 pts
8. West Ham United (Wendy Nathan) – 60 pts
9. Philadelphia Eagles (Gabe Bevilacqua) – 59 pts
10. Wycombe Wanderers (Stewart Newport) – 59 pts

Leave a Reply