It’s a good week to be called Rob. Messrs Dimery and Molloy each deliver 10 points to deny the fast improving Hope Arnold a second consecutive top-scoring week all of her own.

All three leading lights are blessed with three correct scores, the highly predictable Wigan 2 Derby 0 being the common thread, but their accuracy pales into insignificance when you consider the exploits of joint ‘Prediction of the Week’ winners John Collins (Birmingham 2 Arsenal 2) and Janet Jones, who, just hours before her wedding to David Roberts, plumped for Liverpool 3 Middlesbrough 2 – her second brave decision of the weekend!

“The tackle was horrendous and this guy should never play football again.” Arsene Wenger’s harsh words to Birmingham’s Martin Taylor following his ankle-shattering tackle on Eduardo could just as well apply to Neil Hayes, whose downright naughty behaviour this season has earned him 20 yellow cards and nine, yes NINE red cards.

However, the Predictorship FA’s patience finally ran out this week and they’ve banished Hayes from the league with immediate effect. Consequently, the runners and riders have been whittled down to 42 teams and Norma No Mates is back where she belongs – at the bottom of the pile.

The one unresolved Round 2 tie in The Predictorship Cup went the way of Tom Palmer’s Southampton, who ousted Gabe Bevilacqua’s Philadelphia Eagles 8-4 to book a spot in the quarter-finals. News of the draw will be coming your way next week ahead of quarter-finals weekend, 8th-9th March.

Results (Week 30): Carling Cup Final: Chelsea 1-2 Tottenham (aet) (3); Premier League: Birmingham 2-2 Arsenal (1); Fulham 0-1 West Ham (8); Liverpool 3-2 Middlesbrough (1); Newcastle 1-5 Manchester United (0); Portsmouth 1-0 Sunderland (11); Wigan 2-0 Derby (8); Blackburn 4-1 Bolton (0); Reading 1-2 Aston Villa (12); Manchester City 0-2 Everton (0).

* Figures in brackets show the number of correct predictions for each game.

Highest Score (Week 30): 10 – Hope Arnold, Rob Dimery and Rob Molloy.
Average Score (Week 30): 6.37.
Predictions of the Week (Week 30): John Collins (Birmingham 2-2 Arsenal) and Janet Jones (Liverpool 3-2 Middlesbrough).

Top of the Table (Week 30):

1. Jersey United (Mike Dufficy) – 222 pts
2. Nottingham Forest (Matthew White) – 211 pts
3. Chelsea (Dave Taylor) – 210 pts
4. Manchester City (Christine Butters) – 208 pts
5. Clapton F.C. (Cathryn Harker) – 206 pts
6. West Ham United (Wendy Nathan) – 203 pts
7. Blackburn Rovers (Sally Moon) – 203 pts
8. Charlton Athletic (Nigel Birrell) – 202 pts
9. FC Squan 1980 (Patrick Bevilacqua) – 200 pts
10. Liverpool Reserves (Saleel Sathe) – 200 pts

“You need only to kill one person one time – it’s enough” – Arsene Wenger, still ranting and raving about that horror tackle on Eduardo.

Hope Arnold’s lamentable season takes a turn for the better this week as the Tim Howard-loving Evertonian scores 10 points, more than anyone else in week 29.

The Bristol Rovers, Chelsea and Preston games were Hope’s salvation, helping her pick up six points for three correct scores, resulting in progress up the league, where she currently lies 25th, and into the quarter-finals of The Predictorship Cup. More about that in a moment.

With high scores in short supply, Mike Dufficy and Nick Watson should count themselves fortunate to come away with nine points. Mike’s seemingly unstoppable trot to the Predictorship title, for what would be his second league triumph in three seasons, becomes ever more apparent this week as he recaptures his 10-point lead over the chasing pack, led for the first time by Matthew White after Dave Taylor jumps the wrong way with a couple 1-0s.

The big guns are still blazing away in The Predictorship Cup, with the teams currently lying in second, fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh in the league still in with a shout of stealing the trophy from Cup holder Janet Jones. More about her in a moment too. Bunch of Losers’ narrow defeat at the hands of Cathryn Harker’s Clapton F.C. leaves Hope’s Everton as the lowest-ranked team left in the draw, although, as we all know, after finishing third in the league last season, Hope is anything but rank. Mistake her for a minnow at your peril.

The Predictorship Cup - Round 2

1. BLACKBURN ROVERS (Sally Moon) (6) 6-3 PETERBOROUGH UNITED (Steve McHugh) (19)   
2. QUEENS PARK RANGERS (Marion Waller) (33) 2-4 TRICKY TREES (Alex Iskandar Liew) (15)
3. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (Gabe Bevilacqua) (16) 5-5 SOUTHAMPTON (Tom Palmer) (27) **
4. WEST HAM UNITED (Wendy Nathan) (8) 6-10 EVERTON (Hope Arnold) (30)
5. WEST BROMWICH ALBION (Mark Young) (22) 6-7 MANCHESTER CITY (Christine Butters) (4)
6. CHARLTON ATHLETIC (Nigel Birrell) (5) 8-6 NEW ENGLAND (Anuradha Shenoy) (12)
7. SEATTLE GOONERS (Maziar Sattari) (14) 4-8 NOTTINGHAM FOREST (Matthew White) (3)
8. CLAPTON F.C. (Cathryn Harker) (7) 8-7 BUNCH OF LOSERS (Michael Whitty) (40)

* Figures in brackets show league position on 16th February.
** Replay on 23rd-24th February.

The saga continues … Last week’s revelation that Ted Warland employed a so-called guest forecaster, who promptly secured an 11-point haul for the Pinner-dwelling Gunner, has elicited a response from the man himself (Ted, that is, not the elusive forecaster): “You’ll be pleased to learn my guest predictor has left the country, bags bulging with a suitable bung. As a Spurs fan he’s threatening a return for the Carling Cup final if he gets a ticket!” The plot thickens …

Two knot-tying stories to finish with this week. Best wishes to Predictorship chairman David Roberts and Sheffield Wednesday’s Janet Jones, who get hitched in Harlow on Friday. News has also reached Predictorship HQ that Philadelphia Eagles’ Gabe Bevilacqua has announced his marriage to Katie on 2nd August in New Jersey. See www.gabeandkt.com for more details.

Gabe’s mind has understandably been elsewhere since posting the gleeful news on FC Camena, so much so that’s he’s running the risk of incurring the wrath of the Predictorship’s Punishment Panel, who are now poised to bring him to book for submitting late scores for the last two weeks. However, rather than employing the ‘three strikes and you’re out’ rule, leniency will no doubt prevail and Gabe can expect a short stint behind bars or several hundred hours of community service relaying the chewed-up turf at a ground of his choice - with his bare hands.

Congratulations to both couples. Here’s to many years of love, health and happiness!

FA Cup Round 5 Results (Week 29): Bristol Rovers 1-0 Southampton (2); Cardiff 2-0 Wolves (2); Chelsea 3-1 Huddersfield (3); Coventry 0-5 West Brom (0); Liverpool 1-2 Barnsley (0); Manchester United 4-0 Arsenal (0); Sheffield United 0-0 Middlesbrough (0); Preston 0-1 Portsmouth (9); Championship: Charlton 2-2 Watford (3); League 1: Port Vale 0-2 Swansea (8).

* Figures in brackets show the number of correct predictions for each game.

Highest Score (Week 29): 10 – Hope Arnold.
Average Score (Week 29): 6.08.
Prediction of the Week (Week 29): Patrick Bevilacqua, Ted Warland and Matthew White (Charlton 2-2 Watford).

Top of the Table (Week 29):

1. Jersey United (Mike Dufficy) – 213 pts
2. Nottingham Forest (Matthew White) – 203 pts
3. Chelsea (Dave Taylor) – 202 pts
4. Charlton Athletic (Nigel Birrell) – 201 pts
5. Manchester City (Christine Butters) – 201 pts
6. Clapton F.C. (Cathryn Harker) – 198 pts
7. Blackburn Rovers (Sally Moon) – 197 pts
8. West Ham United (Wendy Nathan) – 195 pts
9. FC Squan 1980 (Patrick Bevilacqua) – 194 pts
10. Crystal Palace (Dave McAleer) – 191 pts

From Monday’s football “Gossip Column” on the BBC Sport website …

Barnsley boss Simon Davey was confident his side would beat Liverpool in the FA Cup on Saturday after a seagull dumped its load on his head during a pre-match stroll in the city centre. What a load of c**p!

“I have a guest forecaster this week so watch out!” exclaimed Ted Warland as he submitted his week 28 scores.

Did he sneak Channel Five’s foxy weathergirl Lara Lewington into his home when his wife’s back was turned? Did he persuade swing-o-meter maestro Jon Snow out of retirement? Questions, questions. Maybe we’ll never know the truth, but Ted’s mystery “guest forecaster” plays a blinder. Sunny spells all over: the Gunner claims 11 points, the week’s top score, to blow away the competition with not a weak front in sight. Overseas games in the Premier League? Forget it! Get with the future, get a guest forecaster.

Ted’s cause is aided by four correct scores for the matches at Derby, Middlesbrough, Sunderland and – along with 16 other predictors – Arsenal, whose 90th minute second goal cruelly scuppered Dave Taylor’s spirited attempt to take a more sizeable chunk out of the formidable lead amassed by Mike Dufficy. Dave’s 10-point week, combined with Mike’s eight-pointer, reduces the gap between first and second to eight points.

Mike, the first predictor to rack up 200 points this season, also reaches the 40 correct scores milestone, with only third-placed Matthew White preventing a clean sweep of accolades with three more correct results than the Jerseysider.

The Waller’s strangehold on “Prediction of the Week” continues apace this week with Gary’s remarkable Manchester United 1 Manchester City 2. In the week Manchester remembered those who died in the Munich air disaster 50 years ago, Gary was the only player to predict an away win, let alone hit the jackpot. The Wallers have now won “Prediction of the Week” an incredible 11 times so far this season: Gary four times and, as reported here last week, Marion on a record seven occasions. Do they employ guest forecasters, or is it all their own work?

The draw for Round 2 of The Predictorship Cup has been made, and it’s all thanks to Nick Watson’s perfectly-crafted Randomizer 16 draw machine. Using the same tamper-proof, suspicion-dousing system as before, i.e. teams numbered 1-16 in alphabetical order, from Blackburn Rovers to West Ham, this is how the draw shapes up:

Round 2 (16th-17th February)

1. BLACKBURN ROVERS (Sally Moon) (6) v PETERBOROUGH UNITED (Steve McHugh) (19)
2. QUEENS PARK RANGERS (Marion Waller) (33) v TRICKY TREES (Alex Iskandar Liew) (15)
3. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (Gabe Bevilacqua) (16) v SOUTHAMPTON (Tom Palmer) (27)
4. WEST HAM UNITED (Wendy Nathan) (8) v EVERTON (Hope Arnold) (30)
5. WEST BROMWICH ALBION (Mark Young) (22) v MANCHESTER CITY (Christine Butters) (4)
6. CHARLTON ATHLETIC (Nigel Birrell) (5) v NEW ENGLAND (Anuradha Shenoy) (12)
7. SEATTLE GOONERS (Maziar Sattari) (14) v NOTTINGHAM FOREST (Matthew White) (3)
8. CLAPTON F.C. (Cathryn Harker) (7) v BUNCH OF LOSERS (Michael Whitty) (40)

* Figures in brackets show current league position.

Highlights include Matthew White’s Nottingham Forest, the highest-ranked team left in the draw, travelling to Maziar Sattari’s dangerously high-scoring Seattle Gooners and a David vs. Goliath encounter that requires Michael Whitty’s Bunch of Losers to head from wherever they’re based to the London Borough of Hackney to face Cathryn Harker’s Clapton F.C..

The ties will be played this weekend, 16th-17th February. Only eight teams can make it through to the quarter-finals. Make sure you’re one of them.

Premier League Results (Week 28): Aston Villa 4-1 Newcastle (0); Bolton 0-1 Portsmouth (7); Derby 0-3 Tottenham (7); Everton 1-0 Reading (7); Middlesbrough 1-0 Fulham (12); Sunderland 2-0 Wigan (2); West Ham 1-1 Birmingham (3); Manchester United 1-2 Manchester City (1); Chelsea 0-0 Liverpool (1); Arsenal 2-0 Blackburn (17).

* Figures in brackets show the number of correct predictions for each game.

Highest Score (Week 28): 11 – Ted Warland and “Guest Predictor”.
Average Score (Week 28): 7.00.
Prediction of the Week (Week 28): Gary Waller (Manchester United 1-2 Manchester City).

Top of the Table (Week 28):

1. Jersey United (Mike Dufficy) – 204 pts
2. Chelsea (Dave Taylor) – 196 pts
3. Nottingham Forest (Matthew White) – 195 pts
4. Manchester City (Christine Butters) – 194 pts
5. Charlton Athletic (Nigel Birrell) – 193 pts
6. Blackburn Rovers (Sally Moon) – 191 pts
7. Clapton F.C. (Cathryn Harker) – 190 pts
8. West Ham United (Wendy Nathan) – 189 pts
9. FC Squan 1980 (Patrick Bevilacqua) – 188 pts
10. Crystal Palace (Dave McAleer) – 188 pts

“The Watford game was fairly awful. They ain’t what you’d call a pretty football team, and we lost. And there was a minor ruck outside the ground - first time I’ve seen such a thing in decades. Didn’t see whether David Roberts was involved” - Nick Watson after watching Ipswich lose their unbeaten home league record to David Roberts’ Watford.

David Roberts (in response): “Yes, I was the ringleader. Took out a couple of tractor boys, left our calling cards - “You have been dun by the Rookery Firm” - and departed sharpish back west down the A12 into a glorious sunset …”.

Never before has there been so much wanton destruction at the business end of the Predictorship table: the leading eight predictors mustered just 20 points between them.

With Mike Dufficy’s two points banked early in the totting up process, forward-thinking Predictorship scribes were surmising that the door to the title race was about to be flung wide open. How wrong they were. The door is now padlocked, bolted and boarded up as, remarkably, Jersey’s top man maintains his 10-point cushion. Boo and, indeed, hiss.

The Predictorship has become cagier than a high-security prison, with all the top dogs erring on the side of caution rather than outmanoeuvring their similarly cautious rivals by predicting a sneaky draw here or an unexpected away win there. Playing it safe is the new taking a risk.

Speaking from bitter experience and delving into the thought process of a so-called title contender, there was no way José that Chelsea or Manchester United were ever going to drop points in their tricky away fixtures on Saturday. The result? Two 1-1 draws, two points each for last week’s top four and the unbearable stench of stalemate.

The movers are shakers this week are those brave souls who put their necks on the line and diverted the oncoming locomotive of despair: Patrick Bevilacqua predicted 1-1 draws for Birmingham, Portsmouth and Newcastle. Spot on. Nine points. David Roberts missed out on Birmingham but nabbed the other two. Eight points. Sally Moon was one of four players to record sevens, aided by 1-1 predictions for BOTH Chelsea and Manchester United. The other three all struck gold with either Chelsea or United. The moral of this tale: When you remove the cage, you unleash a point-scoring beast.

Or, is it acceptable in this day and age, to throw caution to the wind when you have little or nothing to play for? You can only look silly if it doesn’t work, and that’s no crime round these parts. Discuss.

Consequently, with Mike crawling towards the 200-point milestone, Sally and Patrick join the nine-man race for second spot and, all rather prettily, there are now three teams on 186 points, three on 184 and another three on 182.

Marion Waller has been devilishly inconsistent this season, slugging it out in mid-table, but her powers of predicting the unexpected remain admirably undimmed. She collects her third consecutive ‘Prediction of the Week’ accolade this week (her fourth in the last five weeks and seventh in total this season) for Manchester City 1 Arsenal 3. If there was an award for ‘Predictor of the Season’ that excluded the league champion, Marion would already be a leading contender, if not the ONLY contender.

In other news, Cathryn Harker’s Clapton F.C. have made it through to Round 2 of The Predictorship Cup with a 3-2 win at home to Dave McAleer’s Crystal Palace. Stay tuned for news of the Round 2 draw. The ties kick off on the weekend of 16th-17th February.

Did you hear about the 44-year-old Yorkshireman who defied odds of 6,802-1 to scoop £7,000 from a £1 bet predicting the results of 31 games in the UK and abroad? Well I did. The lucky punter cashed in before the 32nd game in the sequence, a fixture that was postponed and would have signalled an end to his remarkable run of good fortune. How ironic in a week when the average score is 4.24 and many of us cannot even match one correct score in 10, let alone 31. Maybe we should track him down and invite him to join The Predictorship next season.

Premier League Results (Week 27): Birmingham 1-1 Derby (5); Blackburn 0-0 Everton (2); Liverpool 3-0 Sunderland (7); Manchester City 1-3 Arsenal (1); Portsmouth 1-1 Chelsea (9); Reading 0-2 Bolton (0); Tottenham 1-1 Manchester United (3); Wigan 1-0 West Ham (1); Fulham 2-1 Aston Villa (1); Newcastle 1-1 Middlesbrough (5).

* Figures in brackets show the number of correct predictions for each game.

Highest Score (Week 27): 9 – Patrick Bevilacqua.
Average Score (Week 27): 4.24.
Predictions of the Week (Week 27): Janet Jones (Fulham 2-1 Aston Villa) and Marion Waller (Manchester City 1-3 Arsenal).

Top of the Table (Week 27):

1. Jersey United (Mike Dufficy) – 196 pts
2. Manchester City (Christine Butters) – 186 pts
3. Chelsea (Dave Taylor) – 186 pts
4. Nottingham Forest (Matthew White) – 186 pts
5. West Ham United (Wendy Nathan) – 184 pts
6. Blackburn Rovers (Sally Moon) – 184 pts
7. Charlton Athletic (Nigel Birrell) – 184 pts
8. FC Squan 1980 (Patrick Bevilacqua) – 182 pts
9. Crystal Palace (Dave McAleer) – 182 pts
10. Clapton F.C. (Cathryn Harker) – 182 pts

Quotes of the Week (all from ‘Match of the Day’) …

“Sometimes he must even amaze himself” – Steve Wilson on Cristiano Ronaldo after the Portuguese scored his 27th goal of the season with one of the most outrageous free kicks the Premier League has ever seen.

“We’ve shown inconsistency the whole season. It’s been up-and-down rollercoaster stuff” – Birmingham’s cliché-ridden gaffer Alex McLeish.

“Sven Goran Eriksson is looking as close to angry as he can get” – Guy Mowbray as the Swede’s team of odd-balls, Manchester City, go from bad to worse.

“Ashley Cole (is) getting a good deal of stick. You expect that when you’re playing away from home” – Another legendary line from the top drawer of ace commentator Steve Wilson, who was watching Chelsea pick up a point at Portsmouth. Could anyone hear what the Pompey crowd were shouting about Cole’s wife Cheryl?