Battle Lines

‘Never in the field of human conflict has so little been won by one person from so few.’ So proclaimed Norma No Mates when interviewed this morning about her 7-point victory whilst reclining at the bottom of the table smoking a big fat cigar.

And with an average score of 3.34 (thanks to the efforts of Mark Lawrenson, Dave McAleer, Rob Molloy and Maziar Sattari – all picking up just 1 point), despite the first full-house of the season, Norma has every right to be smug.

For once, even the Great Bard himself will have to eat his words: ‘Nothing will come from nothing.’ must surely be the mis-quote of the week, as for the first time in Premiership/Premier League history, none of the so-called “Big Four” managed a goal between them.

‘It’s just like the Italian leagues of the sixties’ mused Millwall’s John Collins, shaking his head with incredulity as the scores rolled in and he gratefully accepted a meagre four point tally.

But while victory is cruelly snatched from many, galloping purposefully up the table with their flags unfurled come Mark Fitch, Saleel Sathe and Dave Taylor (all on 6 points). Throwing down the gauntlet to the faint-hearted and disconsolate, Saleel Sathe and Dave Taylor both picked up three correct scores, which matched their correct result count – quite an achievement given the pawltry score tally across the table.

This week’s Julius Caesar who came, saw and conquered with a magnificent Portsmouth 2-2 Hull prediction is Iain Starr. Maybe Iain will act as a beacon of light and inspire us all to greater things.

With just 30 correct scores from the 41 of us this week courtesy of the 1-0s, there’s clearly a need for a stirring call to arms:

‘You are about to embark upon the Great Crusade, toward which we have striven these many months. our task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well trained, well equipped and battle-hardened with a sharp pencil. He will fight savagely and mercilessly, looking up statistics from many seasons back. I have full confidence in your courage, devotion to duty and skills in both battle and internet browsing. We will accept nothing less than full victory and timely submission of weekly scores!’

Chairman David (aka General Dwight Eisenhower – paraphrased)

Let that be an inspiration to us all…

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