â€˜If you canâ€™t stand the heat â€“ get out of the kitchen!â€™ is Normaâ€™s triumphant battle cry this week as Ms No-mates once again tops the Predictorship scoring with a cheeky 7 points. Nobody loves a smart arse.
Normaâ€™s sous-chefs James Bradley and Rob Dimery were obviously too busy whisking up their Spanish omelettes to submit their scores and share in the points in equally disgraceful fashion. Foul play is definitely the name of the game as our predictors appear to be take the lead from Fulhamâ€™s flying Ghanayan, â€˜Pantomimeâ€™ Pansil. This is no way to run a competition.
Bizarre draws for Arsenal, Chelsea, Manchester United and Liverpool have once again seen scores plummeting faster than a drop scone onto a griddle with the average resting pitifully at 3.58. Even Predictorship leader, Chris Butters managed to whisk up no more than a pawltry 4 points.
Although success is hard to find this week, congratulations go to third-placed Steve McHugh who records a seasonal high to receive 3 Michelin stars and a nicely starched apron for raising six points. Steveâ€™s recorded correct scores for Middlesbrough 1 Arsenal 1 and Stoke 0 Fulham 0.
Similarly, these weekâ€™s pancake-tossing champions Nick Watson (6th) and a rapidly-improving David Roberts (17th) throw up a couple of season highs as the same time as whisking up a light fluffy batter.
At the other end of the scale, pot washers Maziar Sattari and Mark Fitch narrowly avoid the dreadul “nul” points with a solitary point apiece and risk being carted off to the chairmanâ€™s boot camp. Disciplinary procedures meanwhile, are already heading the way of Ralph Hannah whose rosette last week seems to have seriously gone to his head. Ralphâ€™s has been relegated to peeling the spuds for cocky over-predicting:
â€˜10 points again, here I comeâ€¦ Michael Fish is thawing outâ€™.
With only 5 points trickling in Ralph has a long week ahead of him as he sets about scrubbing a large sack-full. Also joining in with preparing the vegetables is Steve Dunlop:
â€˜Can’t remember the last time we were offered such an easy bunch of predictions! David you’re too kind!â€™. Thereâ€™ll be plenty of time to reflect on the resulting 3 points as he shells the peas outside the back door of Predictorship House. Harsh but fair.
And so to Prediction of the Week. Gareth Jones is MaÃ®tre dâ€™ in his best bib and tucker for carefully selecting the Chelsea â€“ West Ham draw (in a week of just 14 correct scores).
Also complemented for their silver service are Jill Taylor and Joe Zalewski who attentively predicted a Newcastle win at Portsmouth AND an Everton win at Manchester City.
And a few loose coins are tipped into the open palms of Ralph Hannah and The Blackburn Rover (aka the Moonerazzi – cheers Mr Young) as the only two predictors to have faith in Hull at Liverpool (both plumping for a 1-1 draw).
I am also pleased to report that Mark Young, who recorded a respectable 4 points this week, is making steady progress in occupational therapy and patiently learning to fold napkins. We wish him well along with his new room mate, Paul Ince, who we hope is making equally good progress.