The Aroma Zone

Cheltenham Town, Cheltenham Town
My home team are going down
Still, my Robins, I’ll love you
Even when you’re in League Two… Rob Dimery

In a week where the sweet smell of success has been drifting from the bottom to the top of our Predictorship table (a top score of 12 from the Chairman, David Roberts – second highest score of the season and a weekly average of 8.08), Rob Dimery sought additional inspiration in an uplifting verse. Rob’s proved to be quite a talent with his accomplished meter and perfect rhyme despite the sorry state of his beloved Robins. As a result he is leading contender for ‘Bard of the Season’ – way ahead of Mark Young’s lacklustre performance ‘Moonstruck’ in Week 26 (Waxing Lyrical) and nudging aside the Moonerazzi’s acerbic limerick.

But as we scan down the table we discover that a quite different aroma is being inhaled by two of our compatriots:

The ubiquitous Mr Young (23rd this week, matching his final position in ‘08) makes the headlines once more with a crusty donkey tale. Mark, no doubt in preparation for a lifetime’s support of the Baggies, has a soft spot for donkeys and reminisces this week about filling his nostrils with equine smells on the beach at Weston Super Mare. The resulting 8 points pays testament to this inspiration.

Further up the table in 10th place, Nick Watson is undoubtedly overcome with the more pungent odours wafting over from his cat’s litter tray: ‘the cat has once again christened my predictions. Oh yes.’ Given the resulting 7 points our analysts conclude that donkey shit is beats cat shit into a cocked hat.

Maybe this is a fact that the Chairman and his wife are already aware of as everything is coming up roses in Church Langley: On hearing the news that Janet had made it to the semi-finals of the Cup, Mr Roberts said: “Janet is over the moon and I’m over the large planet next door!”’ Cosmic.

But it’s rumoured that a sweet smell of a different kind has lifted John Collins’ Millwall another two points up the table to a seasonal high of 13th place after recording 11 points. John has been frequenting the hippie colony of Anjuna on a disturbingly regular basis in the last few weeks and claims to have seen the sun set and rise no fewer than 4 times last Wednesday night. Fortunately he’ll be packing his tie dyes in a fortnight to return to a more sobering life in the UK.

Our other 11 pointers this week were Dave Breese, Steven Dunlop (also recording a seasonal high of 11) and Roger Taylor. The Chairman will be paying a visit with the sniffer dogs in the next few days to refute similar allegations of illegal snorting.

Following our earlier research it is no surprise that the donkey sniffer, Mark Young is crowned Predictor of the Week who, after a long deep breath, came up with the Leicester 4-0 Cheltenham result.

We look forward to your feedback and any further olfactory observations from your own, independent findings. Please enlighten the Chairman as you return your results so we may continue our research.

The Predictorship congratulates Dave Breeze’s company, The Golddisc, for being shortlisted as a Sentinel Small Business of the Year.