Bolt from ‘The Blues’

Out of the 09-10 Predictorship blocks faster than a Jamaican in a pair of smokin’ Pumas… a streak of blue shoots up the table in a premature sprint for the silverware.

Jill Taylor’s Dartmoor Rovers plunges through the tape with a mighty 10 points followed closely behind by the fragrant ‘boys in blue’ Dave Taylor (Chelsea) on 9 points and John Collins (Millwall) on 8 points. John is taken to a photo-finish by newcomer Joe Roberts (Monkey Sheik City) who, along with Jill is still of indeterminate hue. The Chairman requests that you ‘show your colours’ before Week 2 although no more bets are being taken on Joe’s tonal tendencies…

So, is it another case of insider dealing so early in the season? The Taylors have yet to be interviewed regarding their inexplicable early form. Jill Taylor was also the player with the most correct scores for Blackburn, Stoke and West Bromwich.

In other quarters the season’s barely underway before the scent of foul play drifts through the air at Predictorship towers: This week’s rumour is directed at Janet Roberts – the Chairman’s wife, who has been cooking up a lavatorial storm in the pre-season with Rob Dimery’s famous beetroot soup. Maybe a tactic to topple ‘Queen’ Chris Butters from her throne after their Cup Final jousting and last season’s magnificent run of form? According to Rob the tactic is ‘going down a treat’. But going down where? Down the pan apparently if the Chairman’s antics are anything to go by, clutching his celebratory toilet roll in the cheap seats (only 4 points in Week 1) in-case it’s needed for a more sober task later on.

Keen to avoid the whiff of Mrs Roberts vegetable delights Nicola Savage and Maziar Sattari have been taking no chances – Nicola headed off into the woods with her woggle and jerry can and a bunch of adventurous young Guides. Ted Warland was reported to have been sighted in the twilight waltzing Nicola’s young ladies around the camp fire in search of some ‘hot’ tips and, being on equal points with Nicola, this may be more than idle gossip. Maziar went one step further and cut off all means of communication before sending his scores ‘from the middle of nowhere’. With scores of 7 and 6 respectively, it could be that a can of beans and the great outdoors is the key to this season’s success.

So, a sobering culinary lesson for our new arrivals among whom we welcome: Sanjiv Sachev (Doncaster Rovers) who returns after several seasons away and Tom Roberts (The Blessed United) – already ‘souped up’ and staggering in with a luke-warm 5 points.

With an average weekly score of 5.56, 5 yellow cards already and no jokers in the pack (although I could argue that last one with our ‘Emmy award winning writer’ possibly for a whole season) the field is open for another record-breaking competition. So, dust off those green flashes and show us what you’re made of.