September 17, 2009

Steak Out

by @ 7:58 am. Filed under Merry Old England, The Predictorship (TM)

A hastily scribbled note on a crumpled list of fixtures was all that remained.

* Top score: 10 - Janet Roberts
* Total players: 40/43
* Total points scored by 40 predictors: 247
* Average score: 6.17 (almost 3 points lower than last week’s 9.05)
* Prediction of the Week: Simon Gold & Marek Phillips for Liverpool 4 Burnley 0
* Jokers played: 0
* Yellow cards: 3 (all 3 scored 0 points as there were no draws this week)
* Red cards: 0
* Sanjiv Sachdev scored 8 points without finding a correct score: clever
* Janet Roberts & Dave Taylor: 8 correct results
* Joe Zalewski’s 1 point is for Sunday’s games only ANOTHER HOLIDAY

‘Holy Poets! The Moonerazzi’s been taken and look at those red stains on the wall!’ Ted Warland turns to Matt Wayne in despair.

‘And that ‘s not the worst of it, Ted’ warns Matt as he strides up to examine the marks.

‘Let’s hope that’s only beetroot, but they are more than meaningless dorbs. Something’s been written in that juice.’

The boys look closer and sure enough, the words slowly emerge from between the mottled plaster:

Here’s a riddle for you: What’s black and white and re(a)d all over? No, not a newspaper: its the Chairman dripping beetroot juice all over his leather outfit at an Alvin Stardust karaoke night… (When oh when is the Moonerazzi going to release the photos?)

‘Holy root vegetables Matt. You know what this means, don’t you?’

‘Yes Ted. And it’s all my fault. With all those Predictors on holidays I let my guard slip and now the Moonerazzi’s being held ransom by my arch enemy.’

‘Yes, that Riddler, Matt. He makes my blood boil.’ replies Ted, spitting at the wall.

‘If only it was, Ted. But that’s not the Riddler – that’s just one of his evil ploys to throw us off the scent.’

‘Look here’. and Matt stoops down to pick something up off the floor.

‘Pie crumbs. I was right. This is the work of the Penguin. And look at my cape. Those violet threads must have come off the wall when I stepped forward to examine it’.

‘Holy top hats Matt. Let’s hope she doesn’t give into his demands. Who knows what could happen if those photos fall into the wrong hands!’

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Copyright 2005-2006 F.C. Camena.

ca·me·na n. A tactical system of football/ soccer characterized by extreme fighting spirit, impassioned defense, opportunistic attacking, and a proclivity for profanity-laden orations regarding the competency and/ or partiality of match officials.

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