… five, four, three, two, one: Predictors are go.

Predictorship Island is hotting up for the final count down. With a sizzling average score of 7.40, 66 correct predictions and a total of 274 points in Week 32 they may not have the power to save Portsmouth from relegation but our smartly dressed players are reaching for the stars with their powers of divination.

Chairman Tracy swivels his velor executive chair towards the portraits on the wall to see the eyes flashing on his star Predictor:

Head and shoulders above the rest is the ‘Fab’ one herself: Nicola “I’m going to be brave and play my joker this week” Savage. Nicola purrs her way from 32nd to 20th place with a joker-aided 18 points. And mighty fine our pink lady looks too in her best bib and tucker sucking on a long cigarillo. The Chairman doffs his little blue cap at the screen in appreciation.

But hot on our lady’s finely turned heels are a 5-starred pack:

Five: the number of correct scores bagged by top scorer without joker (13 points) an interstellar Tom ‘John’ Palmer (Stoke, Wigan, Blackburn, Fulham, Manchester United) all predicted whilst playing with his gameboy on the space station, and second-in-command Chris Butters (12 points and correct scores for Arsenal, Stoke, Wigan, Fulham, Manchester United ) sporting a particularly fine spangly 70s jumpsuit.

Four: the number of correct scores trawled in by top-of-the-table Steven ‘Gordon’ Dunlop scooting around in his aquanaut (Arsenal, Everton, Wigan & Fulham) and M’ lady, Nicola Savage (Arsenal, Stoke, Wigan, Manchester United).

Three: the number of correct scores to thrust ahead last week’s high flyer Marek Phillips and fellow astronauts – the beautifully blond Gabe ‘Alan’ Bevilacqua, Janet Roberts and Roger Taylor.

Two: the number of jokers transporting Nicola Savage and the masterful Hope ‘Virgil’ Arnold through the Predictorship skies – Hope lands with 10 points, 3 places further up the table.

One: the quote of the Week from Sanjiv ‘Scott’ Sachdev piloting his way into Predictors’ hearts around the globe:

MANCHESTER UNITED X LIVERPOOL X 2-1… Here’s another nail in the Scousers aspirations to finish 4th.

And finally, palm trees bow down as our Predictors of the Week come into land: Simon Gold for Aston Villa 2 Wolves 2; John Collins and Tom Palmer for Blackburn 1 Chelsea 1.

That will be all Parker